ALL Statuses

Ernie is: wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.

Ernie is: just now realizing he ran out of T.P.

Ernie is: on furlough, sabbatical, hiatus, break.

Ernie is: buckle your seatbelt Dorothy cause Kansas is going bye-bye.
(Matrix Facebook status)

Ernie is: debating whether to take the blue pill or the red pill. (Matrix Facebook status)

Ernie is: the limit of x as it approaches perfection.

Ernie is: the slope of the tangent line of the function f[x]=awesome.

Ernie is: fighting the good fight.

Ernie is: gonna lead us all in a rousing chorus of “You Are My Sunshine.”

Ernie is: with you folks. I’m a forgiving, Christian sort of man. And I say, if their rambunctiousness, and misdemeanoring, is behind them…

Ernie is: gonna pick up the pieces and retie the knot, mixaphorically speaking.

Ernie is: the only one that remains unaffiliated.

Ernie is: a Dapper Dan man!

Ernie is: gonna visit those foreclosing son-of-a-guns at the Indianola Savings & Loan, slap that money on the barrelhead and buy back the family farm.

Ernie is: the only daddy you got! the damn paterfamilias!

Ernie is: the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man.

Ernie is: not sure that’s Pete.

Ernie is: tellin’ tales out of school

Ernie is: George Nelson, not baby face! You remember, and tell your friends…

Ernie is: Gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse

Ernie is: Loving the smell of napalm in the morning

Ernie is: The stuff that dreams are made of

Ernie is: Walking here

Ernie is: in need of a bigger boat

Ernie is: Winning one for the gipper (Ronald Reagan)

Ernie is: Gonna get you, and your little dog too! (From Wizard of Oz)

Ernie is: Not Mr. Lebowski, your Mr. Lebowski. I’m the dude.

Ernie is: Frankly, not giving a damn. (From Gone with the Wind)

Ernie is: pondering whether coconuts migrate?

Ernie is: wondering what is the air speed of an unladen swallow

Ernie is: frustrated by the anarcho-syndicalist peasants

Ernie is: going to make hermit crabs live together Thanks – Demetri Martin

Ernie is: an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, nestled in a sesame seed bun of mystery.

Ernie is: learning to stop worrying and love the bomb. Thanks – Dr. Strangelove

Ernie is: gunter glieben glauchen globen

Ernie is: therefore he thinks

Ernie is: Update your status…

Ernie is: feeling bodacious!

Ernie is: down with a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!

Ernie is: somewhere over the rainbow

Ernie is: singing in the rain

Ernie is: walking on sunshine

Ernie is: climbing every mountain

Ernie is: Miss Understood

Ernie is: bored as an oak

Ernie is: under the bed

Ernie is: stuDYING (homework kills)

Ernie is: wondering if the hokey pokey is what it’s really all about?

Ernie is: weigh too fat

Ernie is: a comparative of which we have not yet settled the superlative.

Ernie is: just got back from his probation hearing.

Ernie is: (has) logically deduced, absolute knowledge corrupts absolutely, therefore he is giving up studying and sleeping

Ernie is: presenting his thesis on “E=MC3: That’s Right, Einstein, I Said Cubed!”

Ernie is: being interviewed on his new novel “Sweet and Sour Pork: How Can It Be Both? At The Same Time?”

Ernie is: gathering research for his essay, “Lincoln: The Man, The President, The Town Car”

Ernie is: wondering if his new research grant will accept his thesis, “Whoops!: I Blew My $800,000 Research Grant At The MGM Grand Casino”

Ernie is: pondering the scientific evidence to support the claim “Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: So Cheesy, It Should Be Called ‘Kraft Cheese & Macaroni’”

Ernie is: reviewing extensive analysis on the topic “There Sure Are A Lot of ‘Smiths’ In The Phone Book, Dude”

Ernie is: a bit disappointed he didn’t win the Nobel Prize as evidenced by his book “Why The People Who Award The Nobel Prize Are A Bunch Of Jerks”

Ernie is: doing scientific research on “Gravity: The Devil’s Tool”

Ernie is: thinking of a number between 1 and 10.

Ernie is: shiny (from Firefly)

Ernie is: kekekekeke

Ernie is: all your base are belong to us. (AYBABTU from gamer culture)

Ernie is: run Forest, run! from Forest Gump – Thanks to Brett H.

Ernie is: sleeping because he’s not nocturnal.

Ernie is: training to withstand sleep deprivation torture.

Ernie is: wondering when they invented the word neologism… what did they call it?

Ernie is: showing his colleagues your profile and they’re all laughing at your picture.

Ernie is: pulling weeds is like getting a 98% on a test and then getting chewed out for the 2% you missed…

Ernie is: carving watermelons on Halloween.

Ernie is: eating pasta with chopsticks.

Ernie’s favorite color is Vanna White.

Ernie is: sorry he missed you. Stand still next time.

Ernie is: out of his mind, but feel free to leave a message.

Ernie is: wondering, is your coffee table decaf?

Ernie is: dropping science like Galileo dropped the orange

Ernie is: wondering if he hops in the shower, is he turning into a rabbit?

Ernie is: the walrus

Ernie is: getting time-off for good behavior.

Ernie asks that you quote him as saying he was misquoted.

Ernie has 20/20 hearing!

Ernie says, Oh no! Not another learning experience!

Ernie says, These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.

Ernie wishes you a Happy New Now!

Ernie says, wake me up when it’s time to go to sleep.

Ernie is: celebrating the Cinco de Mayonnaise.

Ernie says, It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t like you.

Ernie is doing National Bring Your Hamster to work day.

Ernie says, It’s a small world so you have to use your elbows a lot.

Ernie is: asking for your daughter’s paw in marriage.

Ernie now knows the hazards of storing plutonium in Tupperware.

Ernie is: workin’ like a one-armed paper-hanger with an itch…

Ernie thinks its cheaper to fly to Old Zealand than New Zealand.

Ernie is: cooking pork chops in the toaster

Ernie says, save the whales! Collect the whole set!

Ernie’s train of thought has derailed

Ernie says, Shaloha!

Ernie’s mono isn’t getting better…it could turn into stereo.

Ernie says, Space heaters make great house-warming gifts!

Ernie is: flossing with angel hair pasta.

Ernie has zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.

Ernie wonders, chai tea vs. tai chi?

Ernie wants you to know, there’s a great juggler on the radio tonight!

Ernie is amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes.

Ernie has a marvelous rack of spam recipe

Ernie is: wondering, what does cheese say when you take its picture?

Ernie is: on a crusade for Moorish dignity.

Ernie is: reading ASAP’s Fables.

Ernie needs help watering the plastic flowers.Ernie is: going through a shrinking spurt.Ernie can do astonishing feats of MENTALISM!

Ernie says, do me a favor, and don’t do me anymore favors!

Ernie suffers from uncontrollable falling down?

Ernie says, Absotively posilutely!

Ernie is: taking a machete to the intellectual thickets of society.

Ernie is: learning the art of driving a giant, nuclear powered duck.

Ernie says, cannibals are what they eat.

Ernie is: on a joyride to sanity looking for his marbles.

Ernie puts the pro in procrastinate

Ernie hears a voice in his head saying, “hey, can I join in?”

Ernie needs to learn how to type with more than two fingers

Ernie is: hammering out a wicked comeback

Ernie is: Jack’s complete lack of surprise.     From Fight Club

Ernie is: calm as a Hindu cow   From Fight Club

Ernie is: so fly he’s growing wings.

Ernie just got bitten by a radioactive spider and now has super spidey powers

Ernie is the reason Waldo is hiding

Ernie is. Are you?

Ernie’s eyes hurt from trying to decipher if the unzoomed picture of you in your profile shot is you or some random with your same name.

Ernie is going crazy… wanna come?

Ernie’s bathroom scale can go from 0 to 230 in 3 seconds flat.

Ernie says, always take two Baptists fishing. If you take only one, he’ll drink all your beer. (thanks Gabe)

Ernie supports the Annexation of Canada! Vote yes on 6!

Ernie can read minds, but is illiterate.

Ernie is preparing to not just read about socialism in history books, but in the morning newspaper (Matt C.)

Ernie is a ninja =.= (Chris V.)

Ernie thinks Haikus are awesome, but sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator (Thanks Alan)

Ernie thinks life is like a box of terrible analogies (Threadless)

Ernie is making sure his deer isn’t staring at headlights (Cat R.)

Allison is Boom, roasted.

Blake just watched the first part of the Godfather for his “Family Business Management” class.

Aaron is down with the sickness.

Joel is tradin’ in his Chevy for a Cadillacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacac

Nathan Why have a Hummer if you can’t jump curbs to pass cars turning ahead of you and run down unsuspecting cars merging in front of them, I say?

Richard -who needs crack when the president has got all the stimulants you need.

Matthew is what do you say when an atheist sneezes?

Vaughan is such a thrillseeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster

Ernie keeps secrets from his computer.

Jessica M. aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?

John B. is John’s inquisitive mind.

Elizabeth B. has people on her mind. And they weigh more than I do… so it’s a little heavy.

Ram G. What happens if I type here?

Liam M. is the National Spellling Bee Runer-Up

Adrian A. thinks all who cherish the second amendment should be glad for Michelle Obama’s continued public support for our constitutional right to Bare Arms.

Ernie says don’t you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There’s one marked ‘Brightness,’ but it doesn’t work.

Here is a brand new batch of Facebook Statuses for you. Some of these are hysterical. Keep sending them in or commenting with your own!

Vaughan A. is a cross dresser. Deciding what to wear can get me angry.

Ben F. is dynamite with a lazer beam.

Thomas G. I’ve dreamed up a new sport to save part of the auto industry… Chrysler Town and Country street racing!

Katie M. shivers with antici…………………………………………………………pation

Tyler A. has made it his job to put the “fun” back into “funeral.”

Andrew M. is living vicariously through himself.

Robert D. is under the weather, as opposed to certain astronauts, who are above it.

Aaron M. The original title of the movie XXX was XXXX, but one of the Xs got scared and ran away when they heard they cast Vin Diesel.

Brandon H. Found refs for game 5 listed on Craig’s List…obviously Lakers bought them for game 4.

Jessica E. Han > Luke

Robert D.”the greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington

Micah G. wonders what a civilization of puppets would use as currency.

Luke E. Why is the jeopardy theme song stuck in my head? It is giving me a false sense of anxiety.

James L. thinks the big apple will be an adjustment after a month without fruit or vegetables

Noah C. “Women: Can’t live with them, can’t kill them.”

Alex R. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Alex R. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments :P

Alex R. couldn’t find a decaf coffee table at IKEA

Robert D. using a confusing analogy is like driving a Jeep over a box of doughnuts, it just doesn’t make sense. :)

Joshua M. Freedom means the right to yell Theater in a crowded fire.

Tim H. Weed smoking and turkey pulling today. Oops…reverse those verbs. Sorry.