Alex R. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Alex R. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments :P
Alex R. couldn’t find a decaf coffee table at IKEA
Robert D. using a confusing analogy is like driving a Jeep over a box of doughnuts, it just doesn’t make sense. :)
Joshua M. Freedom means the right to yell Theater in a crowded fire.
Tim H. Weed smoking and turkey pulling today. Oops…reverse those verbs. Sorry.

This is the one that had me cracking up, mostly cause it has a good bit of truth in it…

Robert D.”the greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington

Micah G. wonders what a civilization of puppets would use as currency.

Luke E.  Why is the jeopardy theme song stuck in my head? It is giving me a false sense of anxiety.

James L. thinks the big apple will be an adjustment after a month without fruit or vegetables

Noah C. “Women: Can’t live with them, can’t kill them.”

Leave a comment with your brilliant Facebook Status!

Here is a brand new batch of Facebook Statuses for you. Some of these are hysterical. Keep sending them in or commenting with your own!

Vaughan A. is a cross dresser. Deciding what to wear can get me angry.

Ben F. is dynamite with a lazer beam.

Thomas G. I’ve dreamed up a new sport to save part of the auto industry… Chrysler Town and Country street racing!

Katie M. shivers with antici…………………………………………………………pation

Tyler A. has made it his job to put the “fun” back into “funeral.”

Andrew M. is living vicariously through himself.

Robert D. is under the weather, as opposed to certain astronauts, who are above it.

Aaron M. The original title of the movie XXX was XXXX, but one of the Xs got scared and ran away when they heard they cast Vin Diesel.

Brandon H. Found refs for game 5 listed on Craig’s List…obviously Lakers bought them for game 4.

Jessica E. Han > Luke

Ernie keeps secrets from his computer.

Jessica M. aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?

John B. is John’s inquisitive mind.

Elizabeth B. has people on her mind. And they weigh more than I do… so it’s a little heavy.

Ram G. What happens if I type here?

Liam M. is the National Spellling Bee Runer-Up

Adrian A. thinks all who cherish the second amendment should be glad for Michelle Obama’s continued public support for our constitutional right to Bare Arms.

These are some new Facebook statuses spotted in the wild. Keep posting your clever statuses in the comments.

Allison is Boom, roasted.

Blake just watched the first part of the Godfather for his “Family Business Management” class.

Aaron is down with the sickness.

Joel is tradin’ in his Chevy for a Cadillacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacac

Nathan Why have a Hummer if you can’t jump curbs to pass cars turning ahead of you and run down unsuspecting cars merging in front of them, I say?

Richard -who needs crack when the president has got all the stimulants you need.

Matthew is what do you say when an atheist sneezes?

Vaughan is such a thrillseeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster

Ernie says don’t you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There’s one marked ‘Brightness,’ but it doesn’t work.

Ernie supports the Annexation of Canada! Vote yes on 6!

Ernie can read minds, but is illiterate.

Ernie is preparing to not just read about socialism in history books, but in the morning newspaper (Matt C.)

Ernie is a ninja =.= (Chris V.)

Ernie thinks Haikus are awesome, but sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator (Thanks Alan)

Ernie thinks life is like a box of terrible analogies (Threadless)

Ernie is making sure his deer isn’t staring at headlights (Cat R.)

Ernie just got bitten by a radioactive spider and now has super spidey powers

Ernie is the reason Waldo is hiding

Ernie is. Are you?

Ernie’s eyes hurt from trying to decipher if the unzoomed picture of you in your profile shot is you or some random with your same name.

Ernie is going crazy… wanna come?

Ernie’s bathroom scale can go from 0 to 230 in 3 seconds flat.

Ernie says, always take two Baptists fishing. If you take only one, he’ll drink all your beer. (thanks Gabe)

Ernie is planning a vacation and is leaning towards Pisa.
Ernie says, Muscle Shoals has got the swampers.
Ernie wants to expand the NFL season to 162 games.
Ernie’s NOT fat…that’s his money belt.
Ernie is: a stereotype. I’m not wrong. I’m cuddly.
Ernie is writing: Anachronistic Antidisestablishmentarianism: A Case Study.
Ernie sees golf-ball sized hail! Grab your 9-iron and let’s go…
Ernie is: thinking Pandora didn’t think outside the box.
Ernie brakes for unicorns.
Ernie is: the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

Hat tip to Yahoo subject generator for these.

Ernie wants an Orange Mocha Frappuccino!
Ernie served in the military under General Apathy.
Ernie is: trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
Ernie Facts: 1) Ninjas are mammals. 2) Ninjas fight ALL the time. 3) The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Ernie found a shortcut for next week’s marathon.
Ernie is: revoking your creative license.
Ernie is: leveraging core competencies across the extraprise
Ernie, it turns out, isn’t a Jedi
Ernie’s hobby is collecting dust

Ernie puts the pro in procrastinate

Ernie hears a voice in his head saying, “hey, can I join in?”

Ernie needs to learn how to type with more than two fingers

Ernie is: hammering out a wicked comeback

Ernie is: Jack’s complete lack of surprise.     From Fight Club

Ernie is: calm as a Hindu cow        From Fight Club

Ernie is: so fly he’s growing wings.