Facebook Statuses to use… Both Funny and Clever

Ernie keeps secrets from his computer.

Jessica M. aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?

John B. is John’s inquisitive mind.

Elizabeth B. has people on her mind. And they weigh more than I do… so it’s a little heavy.

Ram G. What happens if I type here?

Liam M. is the National Spellling Bee Runer-Up

Adrian A. thinks all who cherish the second amendment should be glad for Michelle Obama’s continued public support for our constitutional right to Bare Arms.

Funny Facebook Statuses from Profiles

Ernie just got bitten by a radioactive spider and now has super spidey powers

Ernie is the reason Waldo is hiding

Ernie is. Are you?

Ernie’s eyes hurt from trying to decipher if the unzoomed picture of you in your profile shot is you or some random with your same name.

Ernie is going crazy… wanna come?

Ernie’s bathroom scale can go from 0 to 230 in 3 seconds flat.

Ernie says, always take two Baptists fishing. If you take only one, he’ll drink all your beer. (thanks Gabe)

Clever Facebook statuses, you’ll like these!

Ernie is planning a vacation and is leaning towards Pisa.
Ernie says, Muscle Shoals has got the swampers.
Ernie wants to expand the NFL season to 162 games.
Ernie’s NOT fat…that’s his money belt.
Ernie is: a stereotype. I’m not wrong. I’m cuddly.
Ernie is writing: Anachronistic Antidisestablishmentarianism: A Case Study.
Ernie sees golf-ball sized hail! Grab your 9-iron and let’s go…
Ernie is: thinking Pandora didn’t think outside the box.
Ernie brakes for unicorns.
Ernie is: the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

Hat tip to Yahoo subject generator for these.

Clever & Funny Facebook statuses – come and get em!

Ernie wants an Orange Mocha Frappuccino!
Ernie served in the military under General Apathy.
Ernie is: trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
Ernie Facts: 1) Ninjas are mammals. 2) Ninjas fight ALL the time. 3) The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Ernie found a shortcut for next week’s marathon.
Ernie is: revoking your creative license.
Ernie is: leveraging core competencies across the extraprise
Ernie, it turns out, isn’t a Jedi
Ernie’s hobby is collecting dust

Funny Facebook statuses -Random assrtmnt.

Ernie puts the pro in procrastinate

Ernie hears a voice in his head saying, “hey, can I join in?”

Ernie needs to learn how to type with more than two fingers

Ernie is: hammering out a wicked comeback

Ernie is: Jack’s complete lack of surprise.     From Fight Club

Ernie is: calm as a Hindu cow        From Fight Club

Ernie is: so fly he’s growing wings.

Facebook statuses both funny and clever!

Ernie needs help watering the plastic flowers.

Ernie is: going through a shrinking spurt.

Ernie can do astonishing feats of MENTALISM!

Ernie says, do me a favor, and don’t do me anymore favors!

Ernie suffers from uncontrollable falling down?

Ernie says, Absotively posilutely!

Ernie is: taking a machete to the intellectual thickets of society.

Ernie is: learning the art of driving a giant, nuclear powered duck.

Ernie says, cannibals are what they eat.

Ernie is: on a joyride to sanity looking for his marbles.

Man! too many clever Facebook statuses!

Ernie’s train of thought has derailed

Ernie says, Shaloha!

Ernie’s mono isn’t getting better…it could turn into stereo.

Ernie says, Space heaters make great house-warming gifts!

Ernie is: flossing with angel hair pasta.

Ernie has zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.

Ernie wonders, chai tea vs. tai chi?

Ernie wants you to know, there’s a great juggler on the radio tonight!

Ernie is amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes.

Ernie has a marvelous rack of spam recipe

Ernie is: wondering, what does cheese say when you take its picture?

Ernie is: on a crusade for Moorish dignity.

Ernie is: reading ASAP’s Fables.

Funny, Very Funny Facebook Statuses

Ernie is: celebrating the Cinco de Mayonnaise.

Ernie says, It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t like you.

Ernie is doing National Bring Your Hamster to work day.

Ernie says, It’s a small world so you have to use your elbows a lot.

Ernie is: asking for your daughter’s paw in marriage.

Ernie now knows the hazards of storing plutonium in Tupperware.

Ernie is: workin’ like a one-armed paper-hanger with an itch…

Ernie thinks its cheaper to fly to Old Zealand than New Zealand.

Ernie is: cooking pork chops in the toaster

Ernie says, save the whales! Collect the whole set!

My what Clever Facebook Statuses…

Ernie is: the walrus

Ernie is: getting time-off for good behavior.

Ernie asks that you quote him as saying he was misquoted.

Ernie has 20/20 hearing!

Ernie says, Oh no! Not another learning experience!

Ernie says, These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.

Ernie wishes you a Happy New Now!

Ernie says, wake me up when it’s time to go to sleep.

Funny & Clever Facebook Statuses to make you cry with laughter.

Ernie is: carving watermelons on Halloween.

Ernie is: eating pasta with chopsticks.

Ernie’s favorite color is Vanna White.

Ernie is: sorry he missed you. Stand still next time.

Ernie is: out of his mind, but feel free to leave a message.

Ernie is: wondering, is your coffee table decaf?

Ernie is: dropping science like Galileo dropped the orange

Ernie is: wondering if he hops in the shower, is he turning into a rabbit?

Thanks to Yahoo subject generator!

Ideas for a Funny Facebook Status.

Ernie is: thinking of a number between 1 and 10.

Ernie is: shiny (from Firefly)

Ernie is: kekekekeke

Ernie is: all your base are belong to us. (AYBABTU from gamer culture)

Ernie is: run Forest, run! from Forest Gump – Thanks to Brett H.

Ernie is: sleeping because he’s not nocturnal.

Ernie is: training to withstand sleep deprivation torture.

Ernie is: wondering when they invented the word neologism… what did they call it?

Ernie is: showing his colleagues your profile and they’re all laughing at your picture.

Ernie is: pulling weeds is like getting a 98% on a test and then getting chewed out for the 2% you missed… Thanks to Alex K.